Back in 2012, over a decade ago, I found myself standing in Government class, fresh notebook and sharpened pencils in my hand, excited to learn from the young, hip, teacher, Miss…oh I wish I could remember her name. She was really great, my memory, not so much at this moment.

Anyways, that morning I walked into government class, as soon as I walked through the door, I was met with an internal conflict. I needed to choose where I was going to sit in the classroom and who I was going to sit with. What felt like somewhat of a big deal then, seems so small today, oh if I could have talked with the younger version of myself at that time!

I walk into the classroom, scan the room, I see my “loud and popular friends,” waving me down, “sit come sit over here Kailey!” Man, that felt good to be wanted. I scanned some more, I saw tables full of other students and peers, “nope, not over there, those spots are all taken,” I look towards the back, the way back, in the corner, a table set for 4, I see one student sitting there, 3 desks available. This peer, seemed quieter, I perceived a bit of reservation in them. “Should I go sit with them?” I thought to myself. “But my friends want me over there,” I argued internally. “But what about this person in the back, maybe this person and I could become friends, something doesn’t sit right with them sitting alone.” That thought, overpowered all others.

Done deal.

So I went and sat with this peer, hoping we might be able to become friends. The initial encounter when I sat down didn’t feel like the most joyous one, in fact, we both seemed a bit timid. But I was hopeful. This peer, we had crossed paths before, and this time, there was an opportunity to connect, interact, and hopefully become official friends.

In my mind, I hoped to spread some joy to this peer in the days ahead, just like I hoped to do that wherever I went whether it be school or somewhere else. I hoped some trust could be built between us. Trust is hard to build in Highschool at times, peers can be brutal, I wasn’t sure what this peer’s story was, but I felt they had a deep one.

We continued to sit together the entire length of that semester. Our interactions went from quieter to slowly cracking out sparks of joy, our “glad to be togetherness” grew as we continued to get to know each other, work on class projects, and laughter increased as time went on. I looked forward to those class times, they became a highlight of my days. I looked forward to sitting next to my friend.

Fast forward to years later, I’m on Facebook, haven’t heard from this friend in years, and receive a message from them. A message I will never forget, a message that touched my heart in dramatic ways, and taught me a very important lesson I hope to learn from, the rest of my life. This is what this friend messaged me saying:

“Hey you probably aren't expecting this but there's just a few things I never got to say but wished I had. I just don't think you know what am impact you had on me. In school some days you were the only person who said even a single word to me, the only person who cared to even ask how I was feeling. It wasn't much but sometimes it was just enough to make the day a little easier. It was probably obvious to you I didn't really fit in and I was pretty lonely, where most people could've cared less you actually came and broke the wall I had put up to everyone. I had seen all of my close friends leave me last year, nightly fights with my parents and inevitably myself, invisible and trying harder than ever to feel accepted by anyone. It was so hard, I've struggled with depression on and off since I was fifteen and almost constantly since this time last year. About third tri last year I was at possibly my worst, I had never wanted to hurt myself more before and I had never been less sure that I would let myself live through the nights. I don't expect you to understand what sick thoughts ran through my head; the nooses I planned to hang from the rafters in my garage, the gun I lost the combination to the case of, the sink I planned to bleed out in, the pills I thought about taking a few to many of. What you did was simple, probably in your nature but It helped me a lot. It brings one quote to mind: "Sometimes we put up walls, not to keep anyone out but to see who cares enough to tear them down" This is probably a lot to hear all at once and I'm sorry but I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you. Don't ever change yourself, treat everyone like you treated me.”

That peer that turned into my friend, helped shape my character, helped give me purpose, and by sharing their appreciation, spread joy to me at a time I was feeling down and in the dumps.

May we never underestimate the impact of taking the path less traveled, sharing appreciation, taking the opportunity to do our best to spread joy, make a new friend, and to help each other have a better life. This friend, though we don’t talk often, means alot to me. Thank you, sitting next to you in government class was one of the most meaningful decisions of my life, though I did not realize it at the time. You shared a great gift to me in sharing your heart, and I am so glad you are here, this world is a better place with you in it. Though I don’t know when, I hope we can sit across the table together at another time, and share some “glad to be togetherness again,” just like that one time in class.

With gratitude,

Kailey