I feel the cool breeze of the window draft from this old but rustic window while sitting cross legged on the golden and well loved, “Coursey Couch.” As I sit, I hear the soft humming sound from my dryer, eagerly awaiting my thrifted treasure, a used but loved blanket, priced at Target for over $139, thrifted today for $12.99. That’s my kind of buy! Oh to sit, oh to write, oh to reflect with a cozy blanker, comfy couch, and warm light, this is my happy place.

This past year was a year of transition, changing work locations, moving from non profit work to self employment, buying a home, becoming a landlady, grounding myself into more community with high values that align well with mine, strengthening community ties, becoming an Aunt to sweet Ginny Mae, pursuing missionary care in Cambodia and Guatemala, starting up group trainings on building joy again, it’s been a lot of change, a lot of good and meaningful change. Change that I deeply appreciate and am grateful for.

As I reflected on 2024 with what went well, I also had time to reflect on what didn’t go so well, and it was glaring. My own self care. I ran myself ragged, I developed a large stress wrinkly between my eyes, I felt more fatigued than I can remember. I overworked, and i’m not proud to say, it’s not the first time I reflected back on a year, and reflected similar thoughts and feelings. I was caught, again.

You see, I love helping people, I also have been given quite a bit of compassion. But compassion without capacity, to put it plainly, becomes a hot mess. I have been a hot mess for a long time, desiring to live from my heart and to pursue those who desired to be, deserve to be, and long to be pursued. I care, and I care deeply. I do not know who to prioritize, who to say yes to, who to say no to, so I try to say yes to everyone because everyone of course, deserves time and attention.

Yet, I do not always know how to care for myself & recognize I am not getting younger, and one day, these habits of mine, for better or for worse, will eventually get passed on to someone else, one way or another. This can either feel scary, or it can feel exciting, depending on what habit I consider in that moment of thoughtful reflection. Yikes!

I’ve got to develop some limit, some capacity measurement, something to teach me more sustainable rhythms of work, relationship, and life balance. Thinking about 2025 and the new year coming up, it almost gave me a sense of permission to lean into a new way of navigating day to day life. I felt permission to make some healthier changes, new year’s resolutions, if you will. So this year, as I sit and reflect, as I spend time with the Lord, as I ask for a “word” to describe 2025, and “tuck away” comes to mind.

Tucking away means I am going to take risks and try some new rhythms. It means I am going to learn how to care for myself well, prioritize doing the basics that help me thrive such as quality sleep, good nutrition, resting time, and getting that good ole exercise in on a daily basis. It means I am going to invest more time in cultivating my connection with the Lord, it means I am going to live from my body and recognize it’s signs of needing rest, joy, play, and quiet. It means I am going to learn how to do this with joy, shame free.

Tucking away means I am going to write, and write some more. Tucking away, means I am going to seek the guidance of my God for many things. It means I am going to take those weekends to slow down. Tucking away means I am going to spend at least one day a week, not leaving my home, but rather, tending to it, taking time to bake, make meals from scratch, and enjoy the work of my hands while setting aside enough time to simply think, contemplate, and relish the good things from the day.

Tucking away, means I am going to spend once a month in solitude, I am going to train my brain to not feel bad about craving extended periods of quiet, extended periods for my brain to process, to seek the Lord, and to dwell with Him in rest, cozied up somewhere on a couch or hammock outside.

Tucking away means I am going to decline good opportunities and invitations. Tucking away means I am going to likely disappoint some family and friends. Tucking away, means I am going to have more work/life balance. Tucking away also means this is going to be a stretching year for me. My hope is, that through tucking away, I am going to become a healthier, more joy filled version of myself, and with that, become closer to being who I am created to be, my best self.

Thank you Lord for this opportunity to tuck away, I love you.

Kailey